Relax and Stop Breathing

We recommend you relax immediately and do not breathe before the next announcement. We cannot guarantee results if you breathe or fail to relax at any moment before and/or prior to the next announcement, which will be in less than 12.4 seconds.
NEXT ANNOUNCEMENT: Hopefully, you have used this time, which was our gift to you, given at no cost or obligation to you whatsoever, to implement our recommendation. If you implemented our recommendation, you are now relaxed.

Our next communication will be a question.
CORRECTION: It will be two questions, and this was not our next communication.
At this time, we are going to make a comment. There is no need to stand by or prepare for the comment, because it is here already, where you should have read it by now. COMMENT: You cannot assign fault to our use of the expression, "before and/or prior to,"because it is our perogative to use that expression, regardless of all considerations. No fault can be assigned to us for exercising our perogative. No questions will be answered on this topic. You should still be relaxing
UPDATE: We will tell you when this message is concluded. This was not our next communication, it was just an update.
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: stand by for our next communication.
NEXT COMMUNICATION:
Question 1: Do you have any questions?
Time's up. We recommend a page refresh. .
Too late, link disabled.
Question 2: Are you at least relaxed yet?
There is a reason for attempting to capture your attention at this time, and in this place. The purpose of this commnication will be revealed in not more than....
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now!
Right now, you should hurry up and relax, because time is running out faster than usual.
The purpose of this communication has just been revealed to you below, 7.119 seconds after we promised to provide this information in no more than 17.285 seconds, which means we provided this information to you 10.166 seconds ahead of schedule, thereby providing you a gift of time, from us to you, at no charge or obligation to you whatsover.

PURPOSE OF THIS COMMUNICATION: The purpose of this communication is to ask you to please stand for our Nation Anthem. In a moment, we will fulfill that purpose.
Since the purpose of this message is to ask that that you demonstrate your gratitude for the gifts we provided you today, at no charge or obligation to you whatsoever, by standing for our National Anthem, we now ask that you
Please stand for our National Anthem.
This message is concluded.